5 Signs of Emotional Separation from your Partner

5 Signs of Emotional Separation from your Partner

January 8, 2020 0 By Lexie Hernandez

Does it suddenly seem like you and your partner can’t effectively communicate?  Do find yourselves hiding your emotions from one another?  If so, you both might be experiencing emotional separation.  If left unchecked, you risk losing all emotional support between each other.  You may build an emotional wall up that becomes impenetrable and could lead to the end of your relationship altogether.

There are many reasons why you might be lacking in emotional closeness with your mate.  The distance could have happened gradually or due to a specific breach of trust.  Sometimes its because one member of the couple has a desire to leave the relationship, but can’t bring themselves to say voice their intention out loud.  Regardless of the motive or trajectory, losing a sense of emotional bond with your partner is painful.  If you are concerned this might be happening in a relationship you care about, read on to discover five signs of emotional separation.

  • Decrease in Time Spent Together

It may seem like you suddenly have an excess of free time.  You might find yourself wondering what your lover has been up to recently, since it seems like a while since you last had a night out together.  Or maybe the past few months have found you both spending time alone in different rooms of your home.  This is may be clear evidence they are starting to put emotional distance from you.  Physical togetherness helps bond a couple more tightly and is a natural way for you both to discuss your day or any concerns you have on your mind.  Although some alone time is helpful to recharge your mutual batteries, a sudden abundance of solo time can lead to feelings of emotional abandonment or unnecessary worry that one of you did something irrevocably wrong.

  • Frequent Periods of Extended Silence

When someone is pulling away from another emotional, it’s quite common for them to stop talking and sharing their experiences with the other.  Perhaps it’s due to a concern that partner has stopped being able to listen or they are seeking emotionally support elsewhere.  Try approaching the subject with your partner and see how they respond.  If they continue to ignore you, this is a strong indicator that they are emotionally separating from you.

  • You are the Only Talker

If your partner is refusing to talk with you, either there is a problem with their listening skills or they have stopped caring about your experiences.  Try to see if they are willing to seek professional help for these issues.  If not, you have major red flag in your dynamic and you need to reevaluate if your want to remain in this unhealthy relationship.

  • One Partner is Acting Self-Centered

When one is distancing themselves emotionally from their partner, a person becomes highly self-focused.  They are so caught in up in their personal journey they can’t see or care about what is going on for any other person.

  • Denial

Anytime someone is deep in denial they withdraw from the outside world so fully they cease all communication with loved ones.  It’s too painful to name the issue and face the challenges head on, so they hide.  If you suspect this is happening with your lover, encourage them to speak to a professional.  It can also be helpful for you to discuss your feelings about this situation with a therapist or trusted friend as well.

How Can We Emotionally Reconnect?

The best way to repair emotional closeness is to identify distance at the earliest possibly moment.  By addressing the issues early, you can prevent feelings from getting more hurt and having the ability to work as team to solve the disconnect.  The longer the separation festers the more difficult it will be to bridge the divide.

First, voice to your partner that you perceive there to be a problem with your emotional closeness.  Agree on a time to have an open and honest discussion about the issue and anything that could be contributing to the lack of communication.  Remember, that healing can only occur if both parties are willing to put in the work!

During the discussion don’t focus on a list of grievances.  Instead figure out the main issues and concrete steps you can do together to fix them.  Address both of your needs and expectations.  Be direct, but nonjudgmental about your concerns.  Focus on your breathing and maintaining a steady composure during the difficult points to avoid getting the discussion argumentative.  However, if you find things getting heated, it’s ok to mutually take a five-minute break.

Listening throughout the conversation is key!  Often emotional separation occurs between couple because on party feels like they are being unheard or misunderstood.  Your goal as couple must be to fully understand each other’s needs, concerns and general point of view.  Don’t be afraid to ask clarifying questions.

Be honest with yourselves about aspects that are promoting distance between the two of you.  In all relationships, it takes two people to success and two people to fail.  Be willing to take responsibility for any damage you have caused the relationship and understand what it will take for you to make proper amends.

Finally, you both need to reconnect!  Look at your calendars and set aside time each week for activity you can do together.  Show each other that you are making the other person a priority in your life.  As you both feel more valued as individuals you can put more energy into making the relationship as healthy as possible.  Renew your commitment to act benevolently towards each other and be willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt.

If after all of this you both are still struggling, there is no shame in seeing a couple’s therapist.  Especially if the emotional separation has existed for a lengthy period of time, this professional can help teach you both healthy boundaries and communication skills.  Ultimately, the goal in this relationship is for you both to be happy and empowered.  When you both act lovingly, gently and forgive readily you are able to heal a majority of your past wounds and feel more compelled to walk this path of love hand in hand.