A Dating Profile As a Funnel

A Dating Profile As a Funnel

July 25, 2018 0 By Lexie Hernandez

It seems like most dating advice for women online was written by single men who wish they lived in a world filled with women waving large red flags that say, “Hey, I’m available!”

Do the writers who advise women to be sweet, to be friendly, and to market themselves effectively really know what’s out there for women? Have they ever faced an inbox bursting with dick pics? Have they trudged through messages from men who can’t correctly spell words that are more than four letters long?

When average women complain that they’ve tried everything and found nothing, they’re not complaining that they’ve literally found nothing. What they mean is that what they found was utterly and completely unsuitable. Losing tickets. Wastes of effort and time.

If you’re in that situation, with profiles on every dating site imaginable and no relationship to show for it, even though you’re smart, employed and attractive, there’s something you’re doing wrong.

Your dating profile is acting like a funnel. It probably says things like, “Hello,” and “Hoping to meet that special someone,” and is generally filled with sunshine and smiles. Who could resist pursuing you? There’s no cost to the guy, no harm in trying, and if nothing else, a slim chance that you might put out. Or at least look at the dick pic they send.

But what you really want your profile to do is weed out anyone who you’d find undeserving, and to usher in the ones you’re willing to actually consider. In other words, you want your dating profile to act like a filter. Here are a few tips that will help you set that up.

  • Be smart when picking a name. Try to put a name on your profile that implies, “if you didn’t go to college, move along.”

For example, using a name like 3.1415926 on a dating site is fabulous. If anyone asks why you have numbers as your profile name, you can tell them it has something to do with your bank account, and then never make contact with them again.

Anyone who has to ask about that number is not even smart enough to Google first and ask later, let alone to recognize what  the digits actually are. However, anyone who sees that number and wants to date you is likely to be at least a college graduate.

  • Pick up an extreme hobby. If you don’t already have an extreme hobby, consider finding one. Women who parachute, sail yachts and snowboard are highly likely to have vibrant dating lives. Even if you’ve only just started seriously running marathons, playing tennis or mountain biking, mentioning those pastimes on your profile will funnel off the guys who prefer spending their weekends in front of the TV hugging take-out boxes. Game, set and match.
  • Books are major cultural dividers. If there’s anything else literary that you adore, refer to it on your profile. There are books of the “word to the wise” variety. If you happen to believe that “it’s much better to good in a way that no one knows anything about it” or think that we should “wait for the common sense of the morning,” use the advantage that gives you. A guy you’d want to date would recognize those quotes. Even if he hasn’t read the book (yet), he will know that “ignorant” is not spelled out on your welcome mat.

The point is that even if there’s only one guy in the world who shares your hobby or recognizes your literary quotes and is exactly what you’ve been looking for, well, that’s all you really need, right?

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