What Is “Pair-and-a-Spare”?

What Is “Pair-and-a-Spare”?

July 25, 2018 0 By Lexie Hernandez

Have you ever thought of dating more than one guy at any one time? If so, how many would be a good number? The answer to the second question is three. This is due to the “pair-and-a-spare”approach to playing the field.

“Pair-and-a-spare” does not equate to polyamory, which is the conscious choice to continually date and be seriously involved with (and sometimes even committed to) multiple partners at the same time. Usually in polyamorous relationships, all involved consent to the nature of this dating style.

“Pair-and-a-spare” is not like that. It’s for people who eventually desire to have an exclusive,  monogamous relationship, and for people who have decided to be strictly casual daters.

Some concepts involved may not appeal to all people. It’s tailored for women who might find they’re overwhelmed with options, and need a strategy to make sure she doesn’t waste anyone’s time. This is also for women who have too many options and aren’t quite ready to make a choice.

The Ground Rules

Don’t assume exclusivity unless there’s been discussion and a mutual, spoken agreement. But don’t bring up the other people you’re dating unless you’re specifically asked to.

Decide ahead of time how long you’re going to “play the field.”

Define what constitutes “dating” activities and what constitutes “relationship” activities. For some people, things like sex, physical contact like holding hands, and meeting friends and family would be considered dating activities. Others may consider some or all of those to be dating activities.

Why This Works

Dating more than one guy at the same time automatically places the woman in a more proactive and attractive state of mind. Instead of “settling for” a guy, she’s “choosing” one.

Dating multiple guys at the same time forces unattractive personality traits and habits into the spotlight. You won’t ever be left wondering why one guy didn’t text, back or why another guy broke his date with you. You won’t have the attention span, or the time, to care.

Once you make your final decision on which one to stick with, you’ll feel encouraged by your proactive decision-making process, rather than surrendering yourself to just the idea of someone. You’ll end up highly valuing the guy you chose, and he’ll feel likewise.

How To Proceed

Pick your top three candidates. Choose wisely. You’ll be expending a significant amount of energy and time on this process. Make sure the guys are worth it! Be sure they’re pretty evenly matched. Understand there’s a hierarchy of attractiveness, and rank them. If you detect any red flags in any one of them, drop the guy and replace him.

Set a time frame, and within it go out on multiple dates with each of the three guys. This should give you the chance to get to know them all pretty well.

Start noticing who you’d prefer to spend your time with. Spread out or cluster your dates when necessary. Your preference should develop naturally. But remember, you might not end up with any of the three in the long run.

Remember that dating multiple guys at once is not easy. It can strain your emotions and your finances. It can be difficult mentally and physically. You’ll have to learn how to multi-task, if you’re not good at it already, and to leave some time to yourself. And no matter what, don’t get the guys mixed up!

But dating three guys at once should give you much clarity regarding what each guy is and isn’t doing for you.

About half-way through your time frame, you should cut loose the guy in last place. As your time frame draws to a close, take time to focus, compare and reflect as you decide which guy to choose.

Finally, at the end of your time frame, make your decision. Choose your top guy and dive in! Have fun in the process. And be prepared to learn a lot about yourself.